Finding Light in the Darkness: Reflections on Grief, Growth, and Transformation(Grief Let’s Talk About It Podcast Recap)

Recently, I had the privilege of speaking with Tony Lynch on his “Grief Let’s Talk About It” podcast about my journey through loss and transformation. As I shared my story of losing my husband at 39 and raising two young children (one with complex special needs) I found myself reflecting deeply on how grief shapes us in unexpected ways.

When I lost Simon 22 years ago, I couldn’t imagine the path that lay ahead. With a five-year-old son with autism and a seven-year-old daughter, I was thrust into a world of solo parenting whilst navigating my own profound loss. What I’ve learned, both through my personal experience and my work as a bereavement specialist, is that grief isn’t just about loss – it’s about transformation.

Growing up in London, death was never discussed in our home. Cancer was “the C word,” and passing away was spoken of in hushed euphemisms. This cultural silence around death left many of us ill-equipped to handle loss when it arrived at our doorstep. It’s why I’m passionate about speaking openly about death and grief today – because the silence doesn’t protect us; it only leaves us more vulnerable when loss inevitably touches our lives.

The Myths of Grief

One of the most damaging myths I encountered, even during my professional training, was that grief follows a predictable timeline; one year for men, two for women etc. My own experience of being “stuck” in grief for 16 years proved how misleading these arbitrary timelines can be. Grief isn’t linear; it’s more like navigating a dark, bumpy road or riding an unpredictable rollercoaster.

My journey through grief led me to unexpected places. From being unable to work due to my son’s needs, I eventually became a bereavement counsellor, psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, life coach, naturopath and author. This transformation wasn’t despite my grief – it was, in many ways, because of it.

Supporting Children Through Loss

Working with my own children through their grief taught me valuable lessons about supporting young ones through loss. When my mother-in-law told my son his father was “above the clouds,” it created confusion that surfaced years later during an aeroplane journey. Through this experience and many others, I’ve learned that children need our honest presence more than our well-meaning protective instincts. I’ve seen how allowing children to see our tears gives them permission to express their own grief. When we hide our feelings, they often hide theirs in return.

The beauty and challenge of supporting children through grief lies in understanding that they process loss differently than adults do. One moment they might be crying and the next playing as if nothing has happened. This isn’t a sign they’re not grieving – it’s their natural way of coping with overwhelming emotions in manageable doses.

The Complex Nature of Healing

What I’ve learned through both personal experience and professional practice is that healing isn’t about “getting over” loss. Instead, it’s about learning to carry it differently. Through my work with countless clients and my own journey, I’ve witnessed how grief can become a catalyst for profound personal growth. It often requires us to face our pain rather than avoid it, though this facing takes tremendous courage. I’ve seen how the support of others who truly understand our journey becomes invaluable, not because they try to fix our pain but because they’re willing to sit with us in it.

In my practice, I’ve observed time and again that there’s no “right” way to grieve. Each person’s journey is as unique as their relationship with the person they’ve lost. What matters most is finding a way to honour our grief while gradually building a life that can hold both our pain and our joy.

Moving Forward

Today, I see myself as a “rose in bloom” – someone who has grown through adversity rather than despite it. While I would never have chosen this path, I recognise how it has shaped me into someone who can now help others navigate their own journeys through loss.

Reach out for a consultation where we can discuss your unique situation and how I might support you in finding your way through loss to a place of meaningful healing.